Condoms
Health Tip #18, 29 January 1997
As you�ve probably heard a million times already in high school Sex Ed class, "The only 100% effective way of not catching any sexually transmitted diseases is abstinence" — or, not having sex until (hopefully) some later date in the future. But, equally effective is being in a monogamous relationship. If both you and your partner are uninfected (as proven by medical tests) and both of you are faithful to each other, then there is also no chance of catching any STDs.
Not quite as effective as abstinence, but pretty damn close, are condoms. The reason that they can�t be labeled "100% effective" is because they will fail if not used properly. So, before the night comes for the real thing, go for a test-drive so that you have some practice first in putting one on. You should masturbate with it, so that you can practice taking off a used condom too. Women, it wouldn�t be a bad idea for you to practice too (with a banana or something), just in case Loverboy doesn�t quite know what he�s doing!
Always use latex condoms since lamb-skin ones are more expensive and more likely to break or allow diseases to pass through. The condom should have an expiration date on the package, but remember that this date is assuming that the condom is kept in a cool, dry place where it is not damaged by the elements or from being stored deep in your wallet for that just-in-case.
After you�ve removed the condom from the package, you might want to put a tiny dab of lubricant on the inside tip for increased pleasure. Never use any oil-based lube like Vaseline or something. Always be sure that it is water-based, because, otherwise it could cause the condom to break. Buying a spermicidal lubricant will help with preventing an unwanted pregnancy.
Pinch the reservoir-tip of the condom so that no air is trapped, place it over the head of the penis, and then roll downwards all the way to the base (Note: If you have not been circumcised, put the condom on with the foreskin pushed back, and once the penis is covered, push the foreskin forward toward the tip). After the condom is on, you can put more lubricant on the outside.
To watch a short video showing how to do put on a condom, download it from the Media / Health Worker Stuff directory on my computer either over the network (workgroup Freeborn, computer Aesir) or by FTP. Both are anonymous — with the software I�m using, there is no way I could track a specific file to a specific computer and user.
After ejaculation, but before you have completely lost your erection, remove the condom by holding the base and pulling the whole thing off. Tie a knot in the end and throw it away. Never reuse a condom. Afterwards, stay close to, cuddle with, and comfort your lover. Don�t be a jackass and figure that since the deed is now done, it is time to go home.
Remember to also use condoms for anal and oral sex, as well as vaginal. They can even be cut length-wise to make a homemade dental dam for oral sex on a woman. There are also many fun varieties out there that you can try: colors, glow-in-the-dark, patterns, pictures, flavors, bumps, etc. And, as Garth (Dana Carvey) said in Wayne�s World, condoms can also be "Ribbed for her pleasure.... Ewww...."
Sources of Information:
"The Safer Sex Page", http://www.safersex.org/.
Condom Primer, by Beowulf Thorne, 1990.
Safer Sex, ACHA, 1990.
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